MY SECRET DISNEY LIFE

  1. I used to dance around with crystal candlesticks pretending to be Lumiere.
  2. I used to make my friends use my Fisher Price one-man-band kit to march around the border of our living room rug to "Steady As The Beating Drum."
  3. Oh and then I made them switch directions and fake paddle for "Just Around The River Bend." I was a monster.
  4. I was fucking pissed when me and my pre-school posse played The Little Mermaid and Josh got to be Ursula and I couldn't be Ariel because I was a boy.
  5. I mean whatever I guess I was Eric / Flounder cuz I was hot / funny.
  6. I used to snuggle up to my 101 Dalmatians VHS cover during naptime.
  7. I used to sing Jasmine's lines in "A Whole New World."
  8. Now I sing both, simultaneously.
  9. I used to have the Braid Your Hair Pocahontas Barbie.
  10. And the Esmerelda Twirling Dance Barbie.
  11. Momma says I never once recycled an outfit the whole week we went to Disney World when I was 5, and everything I wore was Disney, pants included.
  12. During college I'd belt Disney songs whenever I was stressed, truly testing my roommates' patience.
  13. Ask me about my Disney cakes.
  14. I owned, and still own, a collection of heart-shaped Disney couples 100-piece puzzles.
  15. Full-size Lion King wall stickers, biotch!
  16. I still have tissue paper "leaves" from the 1997 stage production of Pocahontas in Disney World.
  17. Disney CD-ROM computer games out the wazoo. Print Master programs, storybook games, mini games...
  18. During the entirety of Beauty And The Beast On Ice the only two words I ever said as I stood, chin on the rail, were "Where's Belle?"
  19. My Grandma once drove me and my poor Grandfather to just about every Burger King in existence to get me a Buzz, Woody, Ham, AND Rex kids' meal stuffed doll.
  20. I waited over an hour and a half to meet the Disney Princesses at Disney World, at night, just me and my mom, when I was 17 years old.