THOUGHTS I THOUGHT WHEN I THOUGHT I'D BE LATE FOR WORK

  1. "How long will this Go Go Squeeze sustain me?"
  2. "Literally, how does this hot dog bun have its shit less together than I do?"
  3. "If all of America became less independent and solved all traffic and pollution issues by carpooling, I bet the world would still find a way to die, because #same."
  4. "Oh, I guess I won't be late, then."
  5. "Sweet! I have time to scarf down a Quiche!"
  6. "Or a cheesecake."
  7. "I wonder if Kristen Wiig improved 'Shit, that is fresh' in Bridesmaids..."