Can't wait to watch these things...from the comfort of my own home. On my TV. With no Zika virus or violent crime.
  1. The outfits
    Every year, Ralph Lauren or somebody makes the outfits that all our country's athletes are forced to wear while they smile and wave at everybody during the opening parade. I love comparing our outfits to everybody else's. 2012's gray jackets were kind of lackluster but I feel like they're really gonna knock it outta he park this time around.
  2. Gymnastics
    I LOVE watching tiny people in sparkly leotards perform death defying feats for their country's glory. Gymnastics is the closest thing to Irish dancing we'll ever see at an olympics so I really enjoy watching this one.
  3. The McDonalds commercials
    I really enjoy watching McDonalds trying to convince NBC's audience that world-class athletes eat their garbage food.
  4. The opening ceremonies
    London really knocked 2012 out of the park and I don't think they'll ever be topped. When you bring out JK Rowling and a bunch of Mary Poppinses falling from the sky, you've basically reached the peak of human evolution. Can't wait to see Rio try, though.
  5. The broadcasters
    Remember when Bob Costas got pink eye?? That was like a big deal to my immediate family. Also, Mary Carillo's badminton rant is the stuff of DREAMS.
  6. Rhythmic Gymnastics
    These people are nuts and I love it so much. America needs to gain some ground in this sport forreal.
  7. Musical Acts
    2012's festivities included Ed Sheeran, 1D, Paul McCartney, and a SPICE GIRLS REUNION. I can only hope that this year I'm introduced to lots of cool Brazilian music.
  8. Swimming
    I'm really pulling for Katie Ledecky because she's awesome and also I'm excited to hear Ryan Lochte speak and see if he's still as silly as he was when he had that TV show on E! Also my RA used to swim with Missy Franklin so she must be cool too.
  9. The Screwups
    Please God please Lord let there be nothing seriously wrong wth these Olympics. I'm more rooting for something along these lines, because no one got hurt but I still like to laugh at it.
  10. A Sudden Influx of Patriotism
    It's crazy but for some reason I love my country so much more when I'm reminded of the superiority of our athletes. GOD BLESS AMERICA
  11. BONUS: I am NOT looking forward to golf 💔💔💔💔
    Rory isn't going so WHATS THE POINT. I mean I respect his decision but also I don't respect his decision.