THINGS MY DAD HAS SAID TO ME
- •"I went to brunch with your mom this morning and now I think I might be gay."After enjoying a vegetarian omelet with arugula and edamame
- •"Come on - everyone knows that Snopes is a liberal website!"
- •"Careful - don't burn your vagina."While handing me a hot cup of coffee from McDonalds
- •"The Supreme Court! Well - you come up with the rest. But there's got to be something funny there. You're the comedian."After calling to tell me he had something hilarious that I could use in my act
- •"You sure Michelle Obama's going to let you do that?"After requesting that I pass him the salt
- •"Recycling? Oh, that's a scam."
- •"You ever have that stuff Skinny Pop? The trick is to toss it in the microwave and add some butter and salt."
- •"Ahmadinejad! And then you say something funny about how crazy he is."Another joke that he gave me permission to use
- •"Feel free to quote me - but I think your mom might get mad if you do it to her."