THINGS I THOUGHT WERE TRUE

Growing up I remember really thinking these things were true.
  1. Edward Scissorhands, Freddie Kruger and Shredder were all in "The Knife Hands Gang" and they spent all of their time trying to kill me.
    Jury is still out I guess. But I'm a little less frightened. Made it to thirty. So maybe they've all found a better pastime.
  2. That The Beatles did in fact have an octopus's garden.
    I wondered how they got down there (I assumed in their yellow submarine). How they talked to all the folks with the scuba breathing apparatus in their mouth. How they kept sharks out. How nobody had tried to monetize this absolutely magical place.
  3. That politicians got into politics to help people.
    Not just rich people.
  4. That police were listening to a higher calling and truly were there to protect and serve.
    Ignorance of the highest order.
  5. That Bob Dylan had actually married Isis on the 5th day of May.
  6. That I would win the Tour de France and Paris Roubaix in the same year.
    A few times.
  7. That my dogs could talk I just needed to figure out how to understand.
    Probably true.
  8. That laws and rules were always set up to help help help.
    Not to subjugate, minimize, terrify, or make the creator of said rules/laws lives easier. (Some do help)
  9. That the U.S. Justice system worked.
  10. That the U.S. was truly the land of the free and home of the brave.
  11. That everyone else in my history class should realize "manifest destiny" was a huge load of shit.
    This doesn't really fit. And it is true.
  12. That separation of church and state was a respected real concept.
    WE ARE A GOOD CHRISTIAN NATION!!!!hmmmmmm
  13. That sexism was on its way out.
  14. That racism had to be on the way out.
  15. That homophobia was on the way out.
    (With these last three I know great strides have been made but think we can all agree holy shit we need to stride it the fuck up)