An Internal Michaels Stores Memo Was Mistakenly Published Last Night

  1. A regrettable error in judgement, made by myself in allowing a recently-hired assistant access to my iPad.
    An assistant who has been fired die to her admitting she was a double-agent sent by that cuntwad sister of mine, Jo-fucking-Ann.
  2. Know that some edits were made to what was intended, again, to be an internal memo.
  3. Please accept our humblest apologies.
  4. And accept a 70% discount on a single item from any department (other than framing).
    In-store or online.
  5. Use code "FuckJo-Ann70" at checkout.