We Are Michaels And Here Is What We Fucking Believe

  1. God put us on this Earth to crush it in the craft industry and throw shade at our competition.
  2. @joannfabrics uses airbrushes as a sex toy.
  3. Craft breweries should be paying us royalities.
  4. @DavidsBridal wanted to join the fight but chickened out.
  5. @HobbyLobby is actually dead.
  6. The Kardashian curse is real.
  7. Framing is the new foreplay.
  8. Alphabet buyers cannot be trusted. Why are you trying so hard to show everyone that you can spell?
  9. People who make their own jewelry watched Blood Diamond and felt guilty.