Why Jo-Ann Fabrics Wants Your Approval So Badly

Eat a bag of dicks @joannfabrics
  1. She wishes she could quit her bath salts addiction.
    Stealing from stores - she wants to be caught.
  2. She treats her employees like toilets. Literally.
    The number of pending lawsuits from employees she's literally pissed on (Cleveland store employees know to run when she starts talking about "steamers") is threatening to cripple her.
  3. She still regrets that time she blew a guy in the parking lot of store #36 in Ashville, NC after he recognized her and complimented her vest.
    And got arrested. #NoRagrets
  4. She hasn't scrapbooked since 2014.
    #CraftingBlock
  5. She wants someone to tell her why Hamilton is so goddamn wonderful.
  6. She has no friends in real life.
    Biting their faces during bath salt episodes tends to thin the herd quickly.
  7. She can't sleep at night thinking about the child labor that drives her supply chain.
    (Michaels sells only American-made products, FYI) 🇺🇸
  8. She can't measure up in her mother's eyes.
  9. #JoAnnInferiority