I'm Sailor. Sailor Sir Charles that is. I stole my ma's phone while she was making dinner, and thought I'd tell you a lil about me and how I spend my time in LA. I kinda own this town, y'know.
  1. First, I hate shopping. People stores never have treats. Well I bet ma will hurry up if go sit over here on this lady's feet. Lady don't care. Ooh I just farted. She don't even know!
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  2. Oh this is my girl Ann. Let's just say she knows just how to get my leg to shake.
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  3. Ma got real mad at me this one time she took me to this fancy party. I ate that other dog's food and straight up PASSED out! ma said she was so embarrassed cuz I was droolin' and snorin' on the couch. I got in a lot of trouble that day. But it was all worth it. Fancy dog food is BOMB!
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  4. Ma wonders why I get stank with her when she takes me to the vet. Even after she not only allows, but WATCHES the doc stick her finger up my butt! She STICKS HER FINGER UP MY BUTT! Can you believe that!
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  5. I love my ma and all, but I want a daddy. To help her out, I hang out on the block acting like an orphan. When dude comes by they look at my tag, then Ma comes over and they look up and fall in love with her. This dude here was cool and all, but he liked other dudes. It's cool. We friends.
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  6. Listen, all I like to do is chill with my ball on MY sofa. Ma has people stay over sometimes and gives them MY sofa to sleep on! Whatever. I ain't movin'.
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  7. Check this out, when we out walkin and ma wants to go home, I pretend to faint cuz I don't wanna go home! One time a lady thought i was really sick and was checking my temperature. Then she started rubbing my head so I just started moaning so she wouldn't stop. HaHa I love playing tricks on people.
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  8. This is my spot. Out on the porch. Sun hittin me right where it feels good. Ma gets mad at me and tells me to get inside, starts saying words like indecent and evicted. I don't know what they mean. I'm a dog!
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  9. Ugh she's always mad at me when I chew up on my toys! Well, this one time I gave it right back to her....I went to bed without dinner that night.
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  10. So what if I sleep with a stuffy! I bet you still sleep with your blankie or teddy. Oh, you don't? Well, you should.
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