I'm a clumsy drunkard who makes poor life choices but ends up with really good stories. Fair trade, right?
  1. That time I fell down a flight of stairs to the metro in heels, slamming my knee and shin into concrete and my arm into the metal railing
  2. That time I almost got arrested after blacking out and breaking & entering a blind lady's home
  3. That time I slipped on the tile in a restaurant and spilled my lunch everywhere
  4. That time I waved back to someone and surprise, surprise it was for the person behind me
  5. That time when I ate Taco Bell twice in one day and it was the same employee and we had to act like I didn't just come back to eat more
  6. That time I caught the underground in London just in the nick of time, but my bag got caught in the closing doors and held everyone up
  7. That time I got drunk and went to the ice cream shop around the corner from my house and let the employee convince me I needed a gallon of Oreo cookie
  8. That time I cried at the dentist's office because he told me I needed to get my wisdom teeth out
    And here we are three years later with all my wisdom still intact
  9. That time I was abroad with my sister for the first time and I raced up the staircase to follow her onto the train but it was someone else and I lost my sister in another country
  10. That time I traveled with my oldest sister whom I dislike where we ate at a steak house (which I don't eat meat) and argued while I ate the only thing I could eat on the menu (ice cream), crying about how I wanted to go home already
  11. That time I was driving with the windows rolled down, singing Azalea Banks "212" at the part where she says "my cunt getting eaten" and I made eye contact with the little old man at the signal light next to me
  12. That time I was stuffing my face with in n out in my car and the man eating next to me cheers his burger to me like fat asses