ME AT HALF MY AGE

Also known as: how naive I was as a child. Inspired by @nathanveshecco
  1. I was 12 1/5.
  2. I grew up in a strict Catholic home, with no alcohol or drugs.
  3. It was a little over a year after my mom passed away.
  4. My dad was dating Anna.
  5. I did not like her, based solely on the fact that she was not my mother.
  6. We went to a work bbq with my dad's company at a park around Easter.
  7. Anna asked my dad if he wanted a drink, which he said yes.
  8. She poured an alcoholic beverage into a red solo cup.
  9. Jeannette (my sister) and I proceeded to freak out because we had never seen a drop of alcohol touch my father's lips before.
  10. I climbed into the back of my dad's 1989 Chevy suburban and cried my little eyes out because I thought my dad was drunk and incapable of driving the 30 minutes it would take home.
  11. My sister tried to calm me down while I continued to sob and ask for her Nokia brick cellphone to call my older sister to pick us up.
  12. I thought my dad was going to drive drunk and kill us all.
  13. Turns out, that drink he had was a Mike's Hard Lemonade.
  14. My father believes this to be the funniest thing I've ever done.