SEXUAL ENCOUNTERS I'VE HAD, IN ORDER
A little more blunt than I would normally be about this, but I have no shame. Refraining from using their full name, just in case any of them are on this, though.
- •GLost my virginity to him. Out of our four year relationship, we stopped having sex the last two. Better friend than lover, but would never speak to him again now.
- •DHe was a big dick- both literally and figuratively. He was my friend's roommate and he was older. We used each other whenever we were drunk. I'd sneak out of his apartment early in the morning, pretending it didn't happen until the next time.
- •KHe was my first tinder date and he did a line of cocaine on the wooden bar table. I should have just left then.
- •SAnother guy from tinder. He was more into me than I was him, so it continued on much longer than it should have. He made a weird face every time he came that is still engraved in my memory and wish it wasn't.
- •FHe was French and slept with him on the first date. He would flex during sex and all I could think of was Christian Bale in American Psycho doing the same... Except F was not as sexy.
- •JWhile going down on me, he licked me like a cat and I wanted to laugh out loud. I kicked him out of my house at 4am and ghosted him after that.
- •AThe most passionate sex I've ever had. Also, the most confusing non-relationship I've ever been in...?
- •SAwkward because he is my coworker and I now have to face him 5 days a week. Until one of us finds another job. Update for 2016. Slowly broke his heart like expected. Perhaps watched too much porn because those positions were so uncomfortable.
- •LNewest addition for 2016. Tinder date, Jake Gyllenhaal-esque circa Everest movie. Probably the sweetest one (but I feel like that sounds bad, but it really is a high compliment). We surprisingly had great chemistry.
- •NSecond addition to 2016. Tinder date, but also older than I have dated before. We held hands in the morning before he left.
- •KThird addition to 2016. A blind date I went on since he is my friend's roommate. I in turn asked him out, where I proceeded to get so drunk.
- •MHe was older and smelled of cigarettes. I was really into him, until we went on a dinner date. He was a loud chewer and moaned while he ate and I couldn't handle it. All I could think of was if I stuck through it, his parents could be loud chewers too and if I ate a holiday dinner with them it would be a nightmare.
- •JMissed my flight at LAX and went on tinder. He looked familiar- like I've seen him somewhere before. He invited me to his house and I stalked him on the internet to make sure he wasn't the kind of person that would kill me because I listen to too many murder podcasts. He also smelled of cigarettes and I slept with him while childish gambino's "awaken, my love" played in the background.
- •MSwedish man we met our first night in Stockholm who convinced us to go to a party on a boat. Tried to teach me Swedish which I failed miserably at. Still talking to him because he's trying to get me to come back and visit.
- •JA Southern California guy who lives in Oakland now. Met at a bar in San Francisco. Very into being a little spoon. Had the nerve to ask to send him nudes. When I told him no, he replied "lol, thought I'd try". Ew.
- •GSwedish man I met at a bar. Genuinely forgot his name so I kept calling him babe and darling. Kicked him out at 4 AM because I said I wanted to go to sleep. Found out his real name after finding a $200 receipt to a restaurant I know I didn't eat at with his info on it and super sleuthed him on Facebook. Technology ftw.
- •TMet in Pittsburgh at a funeral-home-turned-bar where I talked about Ted Bundy for far longer than I should have (when will I learn my lesson?) I learned he is more intelligent than he let on and I have the stigma of girl in a tech bro world. We casually strolled through the Allegheny Cemetery to make out near some headstones at 2am. He quietly left the hotel room at 8am after kissing my forehead.
- •NConfirmed that if you have a fantasy sleeping with someone, it probably won't live up to the expectations. Had a crush on him since last year when we worked at a different job. We drank all night then stayed up to watch the sunset at the rooftop pool. Going back to his hotel room resulted in whiskey dick. 99% sure he feel asleep while inside me for a couple seconds. Ended up making out with HGTV on and I slept in his room before I left at noon to shower.