THESE ARE MY CONFESSIONS

Just when I thought I said all I can say... you know, like Usher sang
  1. I lied to a catholic priest when I did my first confession.
  2. I fake snored when my dad would check on me late at night.
  3. I stole a prayer hymnal and then used it to pretend I was a priest to bless my sister by giving out cheezits and apple juice.
  4. I believed there was a toe monster that would eat my feet if I didn't wear socks to bed.
  5. I thought a joint was an old cigarette when I saw someone smoke for the first time.
  6. I stole a fake lipstick from Goodwill when I was six.
  7. I let my phone keep ringing so I can keep scrolling on Instagram.
  8. I was naked under my cap and gown for awards night when I had to stand in front of the entire school.
  9. I was 17 when I got drunk off Smirnoff Ices in a hotel room.
  10. I forged my dad's signature in high school.
  11. I was too embarrassed to have my dad sign the permission slip to watch the puberty video at school so I said we were watching Moby Dick instead.
  12. I wear headphones in public without music playing sometimes so I don't have to talk to anyone.
  13. I was almost arrested in college.
  14. I cried in the bathroom of a park when I was convinced my dad was drunk after seeing him drink alcohol for the first and only time at an office BBQ. It was a Mike's Hard Lemonade.
  15. I'm not religious, but I recite the Hail Mary prayer to myself before the plane I'm on lands.
  16. I ate a half scoop of ice cream off the top of my pancakes at a restaurant until I realized halfway through the bite it was butter.