THINGS I'M PARANOID ABOUT

  1. Getting kidnapped
    I've watched too many episodes of SVU/Criminal Minds/Dexter to not think someone is out to get me. I also do this weird thing where I leave my handprint everywhere I go in case they have to dust for fingerprints. My entire family is aware of me doing this.
  2. Walking on the street and someone is behind me alone
    Hand in hand with the first one
  3. When I'm the only car on the freeway and there's a ton of cars ahead or behind me
    Like do I slow down or speed up to catch up with everyone else?
  4. Getting a phone call at work and someone telling me something terrible happened to anyone in my family
    My worst nightmare.
  5. Being too early to things
    Partly what had caused me to be notoriously late to everything. I hate being the first one to things, so I result in being late to everything. Unless someone tells me what time they are leaving so I can show up at the same time as them.
  6. Aliens/ghosts/supernatural phenomenon
    Blame Fox Mulder 👽
  7. Waking up in the middle of the night and having to pee
    You're damn right I will turn on every light from my bedroom to my bathroom every single time.
  8. When people finally show an interest in me
    I'm waiting for them to be like LOL JOKES OVER I HATE YOU
  9. My life is a "Truman Show" scheme and you guys still won't let me in on the secret
    Somewhat unlikely, but still...