As decided over Barolo and fig crostini at Gottino by four recently single 30 somethings in New York
  1. To feel understood
  2. To feel secure
  3. To feel exquisite and authentic pleasure in trying to understand the other person and make them feel secure
  4. (The conclusion was that it is easy to fall for a situation in which you feel one of the three (you get me but your sporadic communication does not make me feel secure / you are always there but you don't really understand me / The balance of our interest is not sustainable) but quite unique to find all 3 together, esp in modern urban settings)