THINGS I DID WHILE DELAYED AT LAX

Flight was originally scheduled for 11:29am and was delayed till 2pm.
  1. 10:17am - arrive at airport. Realize about 3 minutes into standing by the broken kiosk that the flight is delayed.
  2. 10:23am - call my mother while waiting on line and ask what I can say to get upgraded for free. She says "Tell them you're a fucking actor and the studio needs you in NY ASAP. You're a frequent flier and this is ridiculous!"
  3. 10:30am - Pay $90 to be upgraded to an extra leg room seat. Didn't even argue and/or raise some sort of issue.
  4. 10:40am - Remember this morning at 8am how my father called the neighbor's gardener "a fucking smartass" for blowing the neighbors' leaves in front of our house. He threatened to sweep the leaves back in front of the neighbors' house. Actually got the broom.
  5. 10:41am - Realize I'm nothing like my parents.
  6. 10:43am - Realize upon walking by the Best Buy vending machine I've forgotten my earbuds for the sixth time. In the last two years. Make mental note to purchase later.
  7. 10:56am - Sit at the bar at Gladstones. Order the grilled fish tacos and a cup of coffee.
  8. 11am - Check the weather in NY in an attempt to investigate the "high winds" that have delayed my flight. See that they're 10 mph winds. Lied to. They got me. Newman!
  9. 11:25am - Eat the tacos. Surprisingly good.
  10. 11:37am - Purchase new earbuds at Best Buy vending machine.
  11. 11:45am - Purchase large smartwater and eclipse gum.
  12. 12pm - Make this list. Think ahead. Should turn off phone to save battery. Check instagram and listapp 5 more times before I do this.
  13. 12:15pm - Announcement that the flight has been cleared to take off and that boarding will begin in 5 minutes.
    Hope the woman who sat next to me at Gladstones is near for the impromptu announcement. She told me that JetBlue boards earlier than planned take off time. She missed her first flight at 815am because of this.
  14. 12:31pm - Get the first whiff of the halitosis the man sitting next to me has :(
  15. 12:47pm - Woman from Gladstones is last to board! We share meaningful eye contact.