Ways to get revenge on puppy

In our never ending battle over Alpha Male status...
  1. Dog starts acting out
    He grabs something like a hairbrush and chews it up
  2. I start kissing my wife
    Always gets him jealous
  3. I have her pet my head and call me a good puppy
    He starts to jump on top of me
  4. I pant like a dog
    Makes it worse
  5. Then I decide it's time to steal his favorite toy
  6. Hey say "oh hell no"
  7. Long story short
    I'm still the alpha male