Why I could never be a hermit

  1. Wifi probably sucks in all the better caves
    Seriously? I just want to be a hermit, not a @mad hermit"
  2. I'm already the only one who laughs at my jokes
    So no added benefit
  3. No suitable Betty Crocker recipes involving lichens and moss
  4. I can't grow much facial hair
    Every self respecting male hermit has a beard. I doubt I could even get into the guild without one. Then I wouldn't get the monthly newsletter and would be out of step with all the latest hermit styles, fashions and innovations.
  5. All my lovely metadata
    I put out so much metadata that I'm certain that I must have my own guy at the NSA archiving it - but not reading it. Then there are all those Big data guys. Who is going to segment me and market to me? I bet going off the grid would cost a couple of jobs that support families. THINK ABOUT THE CHILDREN!!!
  6. No book stores
    Reading would probably be a staple of the hermit lifestyle. At least for me
    Suggested by   @gkshorty