Trying on Contacts for the First Time I...

  1. Can wear sunglasses
    I've been doing ridiculous amounts of damage all these years
  2. Keep poking myself in the nose
    Adjusting something that isn't there doesn't look cool
  3. Shank every golf ball
    Hand eye coordination is off by just enough to ruin everything
  4. Realize how dirty my shower is
    And how dirtiness is relative
  5. Become completely unrecognizable
    "lol you look way more Asian"
  6. See what getting a haircut actually looks like
    Sadly losing the element of surprise