INSTRUMENTS THAT ONLY APPEAR TO BE COOL TO PLAY.

  1. Drums. Fun to play, but it sucks hauling, setting up, tuning, and breaking down a set all the time.
  2. Sousaphone. You look like a badass that can dead lift a car. The music that comes out of those things sounds like a rhinoceros trapped in a well, farting for help.
  3. Bagpipes. The secret's out: there's only ONE bagpipes song. They just play it at different speeds and no one notices.
  4. Bassoon. It only LOOKS like you're doing huge bong rips. The high just comes from blowing really hard through a straw for an hour.
  5. Double-neck guitar. The bottom neck does nothing. THEY NEVER PLAY THE BOTTOM ONE.
  6. Multi-necked guitars. I'm not done with you yet polynecks...there's a strict law of diminishing returns with guitar necks that begins precisely after 1.
  7. Bongos. They're only fun as long as they remain on the top shelf of your Ikea entertainment center.