INSTRUMENTS THAT ONLY APPEAR TO BE COOL TO PLAY.
- •Drums. Fun to play, but it sucks hauling, setting up, tuning, and breaking down a set all the time.
- •Sousaphone. You look like a badass that can dead lift a car. The music that comes out of those things sounds like a rhinoceros trapped in a well, farting for help.
- •Bagpipes. The secret's out: there's only ONE bagpipes song. They just play it at different speeds and no one notices.
- •Bassoon. It only LOOKS like you're doing huge bong rips. The high just comes from blowing really hard through a straw for an hour.
- •Double-neck guitar. The bottom neck does nothing. THEY NEVER PLAY THE BOTTOM ONE.
- •Multi-necked guitars. I'm not done with you yet polynecks...there's a strict law of diminishing returns with guitar necks that begins precisely after 1.
- •Bongos. They're only fun as long as they remain on the top shelf of your Ikea entertainment center.