SURPRISING THINGS THAT HAPPEN TO YOUR BODY AFTER YOU DIE
- •The testicles swell like a birthday balloon.
- •As soon as you touch a body it farts. The longer they've been dead, the more prodigious the flatulence.
- •If there is a good amount of air in the lungs they will moan like a Walking Dead extra when moving the decedent.
- •In the right conditions the body will become adipocere. Essentially, your fat saponifies and you become...soap. (See Fight Club)
- •Cats and small dogs, but ESPECIALLY cats! will eat the softest bits first. Namely, the face, genitals, and rectum.
- •One of the last things to deteriorate is the fluid in your eye, which is why you might see me insert a very large needle into it to draw samples for the lab.
- •Hair lasts forever. Deep inside the earth, great-great-great-grandpa's silver mane and and chest sweater are still resting in a glorious, shaggy nest.