SURPRISING THINGS THAT HAPPEN TO YOUR BODY AFTER YOU DIE

  1. The testicles swell like a birthday balloon.
  2. As soon as you touch a body it farts. The longer they've been dead, the more prodigious the flatulence.
  3. If there is a good amount of air in the lungs they will moan like a Walking Dead extra when moving the decedent.
  4. In the right conditions the body will become adipocere. Essentially, your fat saponifies and you become...soap. (See Fight Club)
  5. Cats and small dogs, but ESPECIALLY cats! will eat the softest bits first. Namely, the face, genitals, and rectum.
  6. One of the last things to deteriorate is the fluid in your eye, which is why you might see me insert a very large needle into it to draw samples for the lab.
  7. Hair lasts forever. Deep inside the earth, great-great-great-grandpa's silver mane and and chest sweater are still resting in a glorious, shaggy nest.