1. but that's only while you're watching...
  2. because the second you change the channel...
  3. that's when congress goes fuckin' HAM!!!!!
  4. a little man in a pea coat comes out, announces to everyone, "they changed the channel!!!"
  5. surf rock music starts blaring IMMEDIATELY
  6. Mitch McConnell pulls out a keg and Barbara Boxer does the sickest kegstand
  7. body shots... happening everywhere. tequila splashing all over the place
  8. Harry Reid starts motorboating a bronze statue of lady liberty
  9. Dick durbin presses a button and the podium transforms into a half pipe. chuck schumer does a STUNNING midair kick flip while taking a huge rip from a vape
  10. but he's not the only one vaping. EVERYONE starts vaping. it's hard to see the scope of the situation beyond thick, dank vape clouds. the screen is almost opaque from vape smoke...
  11. ...until it clears, and into view comes Elizabeth Warren playing Wii Tennis while dressed as the Left Shark
  12. Steve Scalise and John Boehner are huffing canisters of nitrous while singing "one week" by barenaked ladies
  13. Orrin hatch runs out with a beer bong. "Butt chug???" he asks insistently. everyone's like, "that's a little intense, Orrin"
  14. then he shrugs and jumps into an indoor pool full of kush
  15. then the pea coat man runs back in and says, "they're tuning back in!!!!" and everyone frantically straightens up the place
  16. "Places everyone!!!" he says, while Orrin hatch desperately claws at the sides of the kush pool before it closes up. He makes it out in the nick of time and resumes his place
  17. Meanwhile, you're flipping through the channels...
  18. You land upon C-Span again. Everything is back to normal, Tom udall straightening up his tie...
  19. You're none the wiser. Just boring ol' C-Span...
  20. But you heard it here first.
  21. C-Span is LIT when you're not watching.