BEST TITLES OF PAPERS I'VE WRITTEN IN COLLEGE SO FAR

It's only been four quarters and I've already proven myself to be an incredible academic. Mostly publishing this as motivation for the upcoming quarter and future excellent essays at this fine institution
  1. Spy Kids: The Iliad Edition
  2. Studies Show Anti-Vaxxers Might Be Wrong
    During my brief stint as a student of the biological sciences
  3. Hell is Happy and Hopeful: an Optimistic Journey through Dante's Inferno
  4. Durkheim Goes To Burning Man
  5. Foucault vs. Robin Williams in Dead Poets Society
  6. King Lear Just Needed a Friend!
  7. I'd Really Rather Not
    This was just the subject line of an email I sent a professor when I decided I would prefer not to write a paper about Melville's "Bartleby the Scrivener" whose catchphrase is "I would prefer not to" and it felt especially WRONG to need to do work to craft a paper about this fantastic story of refusal to complete tasks. I got an incomplete for the course but then it was redacted and I did fine
  8. Friendship is a Problem
  9. An Angel, a Zombie, and Thomas Aquinas Walk Into a Bar...