BIRTHDAYS I'VE CRIED ON
In fairness, this list is also "New Year's Eves I've Cried On" so cut me some slack
- •Actual day of birthThis one was expected and I guess it would have been disconcerting if I hadn't cried that day. Everyone was happy I had lungs and a mouth and eyes!
- •FirstI think I probably cried every day (just a little) for the first three years of my life? I think that's normal?
- •SecondThis is fine
- •ThirdJust way too much excitement
- •FourthThis was the changing of the millennium and that was overwhelming for many other reasons and I think that could be a list in and of itself. Also my mom was very very very pregnant and I didn't like that people were paying more attention to a fat belly than to me, the birthday girl
- •FifthToo many people in the moon-bounce
- •SixthExistential crisis re: being the same age as Eloise but not yet living in The Plaza or owning a turtle named Skipperdee!
- •SeventhIt was an under-the-sea themed party and some cunt got to be "mermaid" in charades when clearly that should have been ME! I was "kelp" or something
- •EighthRealized the NYE fireworks were for NYE, not for me
- •NinthLost a tooth and it really hurt
- •TenthExistential crisis re: never getting to be a single-digit numbered age again!! The thought hadn't crossed my mind until the day of and I felt like life was slipping by TOO FAST
- •EleventhLame losers left my sleepover party early because they were too COWARDLY to spend the night
- •ThirteenthWhoa! No tears for 12! That's because it was actually a pleasant day in New York with my cousins and I went to Dylan's Candy Bar and ate a lot of chocolate. Great day. But 13? Fuck no. I SOBBED. Why? Because of 7th grade in general and feeling like I wasn't being taken seriously as an adult (perhaps because I wasn't). Also I spent three hours at the post office getting my passport renewed!!
- •FourteenthMelancholy. And expectations were too high
- •SixteenthWow! Skipped 15! I think 15 was still a pretty upsetting day I just worked really hard to remain composed. But 16... Oh did I cry... I think the cause was just general self-hatred and loneliness (everyone's out of town for winter break birthdays FYI (but also true loneliness)). They were gonna let a loser like me DRIVE and what did I have to show for it???
- •EighteenthHad to work on all my college applications which were due the next day. Hated being technically an adult.
- •NineteenthJet lag. Parents forgot entirely. Too hot. Everything was closed and my family made zero dinner plans or plans for any activity whatsoever. No wifi. Existential crisis re: everything that ever happened in the world? More self-hatred and loneliness!!
- •TwentiethHasn't happened yet but judging by all past experience we can safely agree the tears will start falling any second now. My guess is it starts when my parents fail to get me the light-up sneakers I requested.