and somewhat appropriate responses
  1. How's school going?
    "Well, I only considered dropping out and becoming a scientologist three times last week so things are definitely looking up"
  2. You're majoring in _____ Studies, right? What kinds of things can you do with that?
    "According to the career counselor, a lot of students decide to sell one or more of their kidneys, marry a STEM major, or become reality TV contestants."
  3. Are you seeing anyone?
    "There's a guy in my MWF lecture who asked me if the final paper was 10 pages excluding sources so we'll probably be engaged by Christmas!"
  4. Do you know _____ ______, he's my neighbor's nephew's girlfriend's senior prom date's brother's best friend twice removed?
    "Yes, in a school of 20,000 people of course I know him. We frequent the same Taco Truck on the third Wednesday of each month. He orders chicken even though the barbacoa is so much better"
  5. I think you two would really hit it off...
    "I would but suboptimal taco choices are really a deal breaker for me."