1. "I really appreciate you taking the time to speak with me" = "Omg this was the first time I spoke with someone other than my mom or comcast customer service on the phone"
  2. "Thanks for asking me such interesting questions. I really enjoyed working on those problems!" = "YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO ASK ME MY THREE WEAKNESSES AND I WAS GOING TO TELL YOU I'M A PERFECTIONIST, I CARE TOO MUCH, AND I PRIORITIZE MY WORK LIFE FOR EVERYTHING!"
  3. "I'm very excited about the work you do" = "According to Glassdoor, there are free snacks"
  4. "The culture you've created is unparalleled" = "Also, I heard you have ping pong tables?"
  5. "I look forward to hearing from you soon" = "Please hire me so I don't have to make fake emails for Tidal every week"
  6. "Best Regards" = "Basically, my Mom's going to be pretty disappointed if you don't hire me so you really should"