1. Blue Bottle: you're only here so you can tell everyone how important it is to weigh your coffee grounds instead of measuring by the spoonful
  2. Sightglass: you're currently working on "uber for _____" and you've tried to use "Dorsey" as a verb
  3. Philz: you're 15 and probably only here so you can instagram the iced mint mojito
  4. Reveille: you're currently working on the next great american medium post
  5. Four Barrel: you use the word "aesthetic" far too often and you've got at least four pinterest boards dedicated to eames lounge chairs
  6. Starbucks: go home ur drunk