Talent Agencies, if They Were High School Archetypes

This is so insider & only funny to me but whatever. Friday night and @finfer is gone to Palm Springs & I am procrastinating on a screenplay. Cc: @madeline @mlh
  1. CAA as the Popular Jock
    Everyone hates them but also wants to be represented by them because they are really "cool" and throw "dope parties." Really, you only want to be around them 'cause of their money and sweet cars.
  2. WME as the Cool Kid Who Just Transferred Here
    They have the dopest writer/director list, make a lot of money and have the baddest-ass agents that hustle 24/7 for their clients. Supposedly, WME agents return calls faster than anyone else in town. The real sharks, the real deal.
  3. ICM Partners as the Weird Loner in the Back of Your Lit Class
    They may have been relevant once but are now relegated to the back of class for asking too many annoying questions. One of their agents left to form WME. Amazing books/literary department in NYC.
  4. UTA as the Foreign Exchange Student Who's Better Than You At Math
    UTA has a new building with a sweet screening room. They also stole a lot of agents from other places because they literally DGAF. Represent a lot of emerging & foreign film directors. Best indie department in town.
  5. Verve as The Hipster Listening to Obscure Music on Mixtapes
    Only represents literary talent (writers & directors.) Ahead of the curve. Will recommend you bands to listen to that will blow up in 5 years.
  6. Full disclosure:
    (I used to work at UTA and ICM.)