HOW TO KILL A BUG IN YOUR ROOM

  1. Freak out and lose it the first time you see it
  2. Forget about it for three weeks
  3. See it flying over your head at 3am and chase it unsuccessfully for an hour
  4. Think you killed it
  5. See it flying over your head at 10pm
  6. Chase it
  7. Put all of your anxieties about New York onto it
  8. Cry a little
  9. Tweet a lot
  10. Have it fly AT YOR FACE and then crawl through all of your bedding
  11. Knock it off your bed
  12. Lose it
  13. Start crying again
  14. Start crying a lot
  15. Call your mom
  16. Make her pep talk you for ten minutes while you sob
  17. See it crawl over your gym bag
  18. FUCKING KILL THAT MOTHERFUCKER WITH A DUSTPAN AS YOU YELL OUT OF YOUR SNOT FILLED FACE
  19. Stare at its curled up definitely dead body for five minutes while your mom cry/laughs at yoy
  20. HIT IT AGAIN
  21. grab a rubber glove
  22. HIT IT AGAIN
  23. throw it away because your building is shit and it's already wrapped up in towels and you don't want to also break the toilet
  24. Tell your mom you love her
  25. Take off the Wet Hot American Summer trucker hat you wore for hair protection
  26. Stress eat chips and guacamole because you earned it