1. I think there's a big ass spider outside my window
    So I'm just gonna cry softly to myself
  2. Why did I get the newest candy crush like I must have a personal vendetta
  3. Dammit I ate all my donuts
  4. I honestly thought I was going to sleep at some point but really I could have gone ahead and watched Gotham
  5. Why do iPhones capitalize Gotham
  6. It's like how it autocorrects Beyoncé
  7. Getting your hand slammed in a door sucks ass and not like in a forbidden sexy way
  8. Why is this my life will I ever know the wonders of sleeping ever again