1. you like women who are emotionally distant, yet overbearing
  2. you kind of secretly want to fuck your mom
  3. you want to prove to your friends that you are as depressed as you say you are
  4. you have a fetish for unnecessarily difficult and exhausting situations
  5. you have an undiagnosed personality disorder
  6. you're having a mid-life crisis
  7. you think it's cute how my tits are constantly shrinking
  8. the only person you hate more than me is yourself
  9. you have an adderall prescription and you are willing to share