THE IDEAL NYC FRUITSTAND VENDER

Days like today make me miss my old fruitstand pal, who would throw in a nectarine in summer and insist on taking a group photo on pretty days. Ok, it's a little creepy he said he had my photo on his fridge-- but he was courteous and never ripped me off.
  1. Is dog friendly. Cuss words are spared in any language. It's best to not hate on dogs when a business is the only accessible fruit and vegetable supplier to those of us walking our pups 3x a day.
  2. Is women friendly. Perhaps he doesn't cuss out old ladies or practice old world interactions that make fruit stand man think he is a powerful dictator and all female shoppers are part of his harem.
  3. Lets you purchase your five bananas without angrily insisting you purchase three discounted cartons of soggy, moldy strawberries.
  4. Agrees that the rock hard avocado is not ripe instead of mocking your poor taste in things that are too soft- except his ultra-soft zucchini that you would not even consider purchasing for a quarter.
  5. Charges a buck for your choice of a bag of onions, a sack of garlic, or an avocado.
  6. Does not try and short you change. Or somehow rationalize that tiny tomato weighs a pound and a half and rounds up to two bucks since they go for $1/pound.
  7. Can be easily found. Even if he is sleeping in his car or warming up in a nearby ATM lobby in the dead of winter.
  8. When low on stock, he will throw away truly bad vegetables instead of selling a pack of mushrooms that could kill an entire family when you tiredly schlep home and start cooking a black, heinous mush that smells like one would imagine a Teenaged Mutant Ninja Turtle to smell like.