UNFORGIVABLE PRANKS PLAYED ON MY SIBLINGS
Perhaps I should have been an only child. Although, these pranks helped my siblings grow into strong, resilient adults.
- •Convincing my brother that the surgery on his undescended testicle as a two-year-old was really a sex change operation because our family had too many girls. And that I missed the days when he was Heather.
- •Layering a pizza cutter with watered down ketchup and leaving it in our backyard in an effort to convince my sister that the "pizza cutter serial killer" was on the loose in our town. It helped that we lived within a mile of one of the state's largest prisons. She later went on to study forensic science.
- •Convincing my 7-year-old brother to do stand up comedy in a hotel elevator when on vacation so we could earn extra cash to buy pizza. I convinced him he was the funniest comic in the world and when asked to tell a joke by a hotel guest, my brother replied with a speech impediment, "I don't have to. You're already laughing."
- •Slipping enough aspartame into my sister's beverages every time she went to the bathroom during dinner that it's no wonder her entire body hasn't shut down.
- •Convincing my brother, Earl, that his formal name was Earlliam. It was most amusing whenever he volunteered himself to be pulled from the audience on family outings to see a show and the stage personality couldn't understand what name he was saying. For 3 years my mom was beside herself, asking, "Why does he keep doing that?!"
- •The countless times we spiked my sister's drink with Insanity Hot Sauce and whatever crumbs remained on the table after dinner. My father's response was, "When are you going to start looking before you drink?" It trained her to always be aware of being slipped a roofie later in life.
- •The time I convinced both siblings that we were given permission to dig our own backyard pool when our mother was too lazy to take us to the community pool. They dug for hours and I learned that paper mâché base is not the same as concrete. Since they did the digging, they took the punishment.
- •The time I was convinced we could make my brother gain a much-needed extra five pounds by upping his calorie intake with milkshakes laced with a cup of vegetable oil. It had the opposite effect after he spent twelve hours retching.
- •Convincing my sister we had a spot on Star Search as acrobats and that she needed to practice on our concrete basement floor. Our act was going fine until she came crashing down and bit an inch wide hole through her chin.