Things I would rather do than move to the burbs...

A note to my inlaws
  1. Have burning hot needles shoved into my eyes
  2. Go back to working for shady ass lawyers with coke problems
  3. Serve on the board of my kid's school PTA
    This also includes getting white wine drunk with the PTA stay at home moms who chose not to work
  4. Subject myself to eating at a Red Lobster
    I don't even think these exist in the San Francisco Bay Area... I could be wrong though.
  5. Sell my eggs to "science"
    It's expensive where we live.
  6. Teach my children how to juggle fire and set them up in front of the local Whole Foods for yuppies to toss pennies at.
  7. Be seen in public hanging out with a dude with a man-bun
    Why why why is this a thing?