IRRITATING A KNITTER

Knitting is not funny. It should not be pursued for the sake of irony. It's a worldwide tradition of craftsmanship which is both beautiful and practical. It takes time and dedication to get better and those who knit are members of a diverse and proud community. Don't bother knitters with stupidity!
  1. You should make me a sweater!
    To start with: fuck no! A sweater is a massive undertaking. It can take months to make a sweater. Hours of careful knitting and binding of separate pieces. I don't want to be stressed out about the size of my shoulder/armpit hole for weeks on end let alone yours! I don't like anyone enough to make them a sweater. Maybe the dog but he shits in the house so, no sir! Frankly why should I make anything for you? Just because I can doesn't mean you are entitled
  2. OMG!! Are you knitting?
    No, moron I'm rebuilding a jet engine. Yes I'm fucking knitting! And stop laughing, it's a thing I promise you. Like all over the world.
  3. My 86 year old grandma knits!
    She sounds awesome. I bet she learned to knit because she had to make her own socks and socks for her little brothers too. I guarantee if it were not for her age and relative physical decline your grandma would have more skills to survive an apocalypse than you. Seriously, she might not tweet but I bet she knows how to grow food, can food, treat illnesses and shoot a gun. Go learn from your grandma.
  4. I used to crochet.
    That's great. Also this is like telling a cat lover that you used to own a dog. Also I worked in a drug rehab facility for years. Our recovering meth addicts were avid crocheters. They used to crochet in group therapy, working their yarn as they told traumatic events from "the game" crochet is also very popular in prison. I'm not saying knitting is better, but you know you can do more with it. And not everything knitted looks homemade in the bad way.
  5. I wish I could do that!
    You can. Just learn how! Take a class, watch some You Tube vids. I learned from a book. It was miserable, but eventually you get better but you're gonna have to work at it.
  6. I don't have the patience.
    This might be semantics, but I think "attention span" might be your issue. It's an engaging activity. However it is impossible to take a selfie while knitting. You need both hands. Actually, if attention span and focus are a problem for you, give knitting a shot. You will make some mittens and develop some other life skills like focus which will benefit you elsewhere.