The Five Stages of Buying a Poop Emoji Pillow

  1. 1.
    Denial
    "Oh my god. I can't believe this exists. There's no way I can purchase this and have it in my home. No way."
  2. 2.
    Anger
    "Fuck! I spent $15 on a plush smiling poop? What the hell's wrong with me? I bought this as a goddamn BIT!"
  3. 3.
    Bargaining
    "Please let people think that I'm unique, quirky, and funny for this purchase. Also, I need it to feel like a real pillow and not a bean bag. Lord, I'll do anything for this to end well. I can't afford another blunder purchase that I regret right when I hold it in my hands."
  4. 4.
    Depression
    "I really did waste my money. I work hard to make a living, and I flushed it all away (no pun intended). What have I become that I try to get my jollies from real-life phone representation?"
  5. 5.
    Acceptance
    "Actually, this is pretty funny. I like this on my futon. Good purchase!"