Just to be clear, 20 best Cubs player NAMES. Not names of the 20 best Cubs players
  1. Tuffy Rhodes
    I had a puppy named Tuffy once.
  2. Mark Szczur
    No way this is pronounced "Caesar" ...and I'm pretty sure they were saying "Scherzer" before this season.
  3. Felix Pie
    I liked to say his name like the dessert, and not like it's supposed to be, "P.A."
  4. Peaches Graham
    Peaches. Heh. Awwww....
  5. Pinky Pittinger
    Sounds like a character from Grease.
  6. Peanuts Lowrey
    Spill peanuts all over yourself on the first day, nobody will let you forget it.
  7. "Pebbly" Jack Glasscock
    Sounds painful.
  8. Lou "The Nervous Greek" Skizas
    Sounds sweaty.
  9. Sterling Slaughter
    Just a badass name.
  10. Catfish Metkovich
    Catfish is a cool nickname. The last name makes it it not quite as cool.
  11. Mike "Superjew" Epstein
    Hebrew superhero.
  12. Jeffrey "Old Penitentiary Face" Leonard
    Great nickname. They gave this guy a bat.
  13. Jiggs Parrot
    A streetwise Pixar character.
  14. Jigger Statz
    ....Almost racist??
  15. Footsie Blair
    Could lead to trouble in the dugout.
  16. Cy Slapnicka
    The old Vaudeville comedian.
  17. Hippo Vaughn
    A Hanna Barbara character.
  18. Pickles Dillhoefer
    His parents were cruel. Funny, but cruel.
  19. Rabbit Warstler
    I don't know how to warstle a rabbit but it sounds fun.
  20. Sweetbread Bailey
    Based on his name alone, sounds like the coolest guy.