Black Presidents, Ranked

From an old blog post of mine. Re-re-rehashed. #presidentsday
  1. 14.
    President Douglass Dilman
    James Earl Jones (The Man) - I didn't actually see the 1972 film The Man, but props for being the first major fictional black president.
  2. 13.
    President Mays Gilliam
    Chris Rock (Head of State) - I actually skipped this movie. Didn't look good, but I hear it's OK so I might check it out. Chris Rock seemed implausible as president at the time. Boy how times have changed.
  3. 12.
    President Wayne Palmer
    D.B. Woodside (24) - The other President Palmer's little brother. Kind of like Jeb! to George Bush if Jeb! were to be elected. Seems like a bad idea, and this seemed like a bad idea on the show. Like they needed to role to keep this actor around another season & thought, sure, president, why not.
  4. 11.
    President Eli Martinez
    Blair Underwood (The Event) - President Martinez is the first black president of the post-Obama era. Nowadays black presidents are just like... pfft, whatev... But wait! This guy is a Cuban American. Martinez is a pretty hands-on President, getting personally involved into figuring out what was going on with some aliens we had in custody. Then the show was cancelled.
  5. 10.
    President Thomas Wilson
    Danny Glover (2012) - World ending disaster. Black President. You get the picture. Running gag or subliminal statement? It's Hollywood, so probably a running gag. Poor Danny Glover had an entire goddamn aircraft carrier dropped on top of him.
  6. 9.
    President Tom Beck
    Morgan Freeman (Deep Impact) - Really the first time we saw a black president, and said, "Hey, ...a black president!" Like President Lindberg, this black president is in the same helpless boat. A giant, planet-killing object is speeding towards Earth and all anybody can do is kiss their ass goodbye. Sure, why not throw a black dude in the White House.
  7. 8.
    President Lindbergh
    Tom 'Tiny' Lister (The Fifth Element) - Nobody would ever mess with us with Deebo as President. Ever. Technically he isn't President of the United States, but President of the United Federated Territories. In 2263, it's essentially the same position, except he's pretty much president of the world. President Lindberg has a bit of a speech impediment, and is rendered powerless against a giant, planet-killing ball of pure evil that is hurtling towards the Earth.
  8. 7.
    President Richard Pryor
    Richard Pryor (The Richard Pryor Show, 1977) - President Pryor liked white women, and wouldn't hesitate beating the shit out of reporter talking about his momma. The Richard Pryor Show was the Chappelle's Show of it's day, but this President's major policy error was airing that show in prime time, at 7pm opposite Laverne & Shirley, and Happy Days. It lasted 4 episodes.
  9. 6.
    President David Palmer
    Dennis Haysbert (24) - Paved the way for Barack Obama, which was really cool, until he claimed he paved the way for Barack Obama. Then everybody was like, whatever dude.
  10. 5.
    President James Sawyer
    Jamie Foxx (White House Down) - Take an Obama-like president, create a movie plot based on what Conservatives would like to actually do to Obama, you get Obama as John McClane. Kind of a fuckin' badass.
  11. 4.
    President William Alan Moore
    Samuel L. Jackson (Big Game) - A black president with the white man out to get him. Seems legit. Again. It's either that or planet-killing type events.
  12. 3.
    President Dwayne Elizondo Mountain Dew Herbert Camacho
    Terry Crews (Idiocracy) - Five-time Ultimate Smackdown Wrestling Champion and porn superstar. Remember when some dipshit from South Carolina called out the president during his State of the Union address? No, in real life, not in the movie.
  13. 2.
    President Black Bush
    Dave Chappelle (Chappelle's Show) - Shut. The. Fuck. Up.
  14. 1.
    President Barack Obama
    Himself (United States of America) - Just imagine all the shit he could've accomplished without all the hate and racism and obstructions. And he still managed to do great things. Proud of my president. Cool motherfucker.