New Rules for Opening Day
- •Designate it a national holidayHey, if you don't like baseball you still get a whole day off. I'll be getting shitfaced at the bar celebrating our national pastime.
- •First Monday in AprilSmall detail after the first rule. Forget the Sunday night stuff and the TV ratings. Viewing schedule is full anyway.
- •Tuesdays offNobody likes the Tuesday off rule. But we're all gonna be hungover, so who cares. Still need that extra day pad in case of a rain out.
- •Rotate the very first gameMajor reversal on my Let Cincinnati Open Every Season Rule. Rotate the very first game. First pitch at high noon... This screws west coast teams, sorry.
- •All teams play30 teams, 15 games. Stagger them out. 12 Eastern to 7 Pacific, coast to coast. Televise them all.
- •All away teams on Opening Day play home on FridaySince they didn't get to start at home, they get the whole next weekend to kick off the season & close out Opening Week.
- •President throws the first pitchIt's a national holiday, so that's the rule. Vice President throws out the first pitch at some other game that day too.