1. Static
    This is Max. He's a good boy. He stakes out a spot in our front window all day where he monitors the passing world. If you come close to our house, he's gonna let you know. He'll let us know. It's a real shitshow if anybody actually comes TO the house.
  2. Squirrels
    Static
    Damn squirrels!
  3. Cats
    Static
    Damn cats!!
  4. Dogs
    Static
    Damn dogs!!!
  5. Mail lady
    Static
    I mean it's every day with this lady!
  6. Lawn care guy
    Static
    Calm down! He's making your yard nicer!
  7. Birds
    Static
    This is fine, they were stealing grass seed. Get off my lawn!
  8. Garbage guys
    Static
    Hey, that's our garbage!
  9. Recycling guys
    Static
    Hey, that's our cardboard!
  10. The Ladies
    Static
    If he's not outside, he'll bark to alert us, so he can go get his belly rub. He loves his belly rubs from the ladies that work in the office down the street.
  11. UPS guy
    Static
    Who is coming up on OUR steps?
  12. FedEx guy
    Static
    ...and who is THIS GUY coming up on our steps.
  13. Random people
    Static
    Who are these people walking down the street?
  14. Helicopters
    Static
    He'll bark at them too if he hears them flying overhead to the hospital nearby.
  15. The wind
    Static
    Who keeps messing with our door?!?!
  16. The neighbors
    Static
    Technically, the neighbors were there first. He's so territorial.
  17. Police cars, fire trucks, ambulances
    Static
    He can see them but they're always a block away, so they only register a muffled grumble.
  18. Cars that slow down
    Static
    Why you creepin'?
  19. Cars that turn around in the driveway
    Static
    GOD FORBID