THINGS MY GRANDMA HAS SAID OVER DINNER

My grandma loves wine and making me uncomfortable
  1. "The punks these days are a bunch of pussies, nobody burns the marsh down anymore"
    In relation to how my dad and uncle were "cool punks who burnt down the marsh and shit"
  2. "Megan (concerned) you look like a school teacher."
    Am currently wearing my glasses
  3. "Everyone can sit around the table and smoke a bone with Grammie!"
    My grandma has never smoked pot but really wants to start
  4. "I'm getting there, like, I'm not getting on that road?"
    This came after my cousin was telling her she couldn't get on the highway because it was too packed on the way here
  5. "Have you seen my anal beads?"
    This was provoked by a game of Cards against humanity
  6. "Isn't out mayor a disgrace?"
  7. "Papa had foreskin"
    Things I wish I could unhear
  8. .........