1. "But dogs have assholes"
    I was going to let my tiny 9 lb Boston Terrier in her pool, I told her I have an asshole too and I'm allowed in
  2. "Son of a fucking biscuit"
    In lieu of saying "son of a bitch" because she was trying not to say bad words anymore
  3. "The moon was so scary I had to block it with my sun visor"
    Re: driving to work at 5 am
  4. "Do you think I ate the head or the ass"
    Re: finding half a worm in her Apple she was eating
  5. "Am I going to die "
    After taking benedryl with Tylenol, after drinking beer and then milk, after getting stung by a bee, after mixing aspirin and Advil
  6. "Dirty fucking dog"
    I gave her my Nissan Versa and so she went and got her seat cushion (she's 4'11") to see over the steering wheel, she was upset about needing it so she yelled into it that phrase which I now use all the time