(SUPERFICIAL) THOUGHTS I HAVE WHILE SWIPING ON ONLINE DATING APPS

I'm not proud of having these thoughts... But they just happen.
  1. "Absolutely not."
  2. "Where did you find that [exotic animal]?"
  3. "There's no way you're [insert age here]."
  4. "There's no way you're [insert height here.]"
  5. "The dad-bod movement is alive and well."
  6. "Oh, no. Not another [insert an ex's name here]."
  7. "So I see you've been to [insert tourist destination here]. Good for you, boo."
  8. "Two dudes one profile? Can I just pick one of you?"
  9. "That's not even in LA county. How are you coming up on my feed?"
  10. "You look like you want to make my skin into a coat."
  11. "Oh my god. Super dead eyes."
  12. "Definitely a sociopath. But kind of hot anyway?" (Swipes right)
  13. "Nah, I'm chill on that."
  14. "How are you all 5'9"?"