THE ZODIACS (BASED ON PEOPLE I KNOW)

Sorry if you don't like yours, maybe my classmates should have been nicer to me.
  1. Aquarius
    Y'all are neurotic as shit. I don't care what you think the world sees; we know you have anxiety. It's okay. There are tissues in my purse, stop crying.
  2. Pisces
    I don't know a single one of you who doesn't own 300 different items (ex: shoes or shirts) in every color. You all do it. But, thanks for being good listeners.
  3. Aries
    Peppy. Ambitious. Stubborn and know too much about one subject.
  4. Taurus
    You guys love the finer things in life. You might be minimalistic, but damn. You like expensive minimals.
  5. Gemini
    Usually good at keeping conversations going, but not at when they need to stop. Harsh critics of self, and often others.
  6. Cancer
    Temperamental. Moody, and sometimes that's because the energy of the group wrecks you.
  7. Leo
    Check your pride. Don't continue to do things because it will hurt your pride. Life is tough, so are you.
  8. Virgo
    Micromanagers who use too much lavender oil. Try yoga.
  9. Libra
    Hilarious balance of truly mean sass and compassionate listening.
  10. Scorpio
    A well of *~fEeLs~* who don't know how to feel them (and handle them thoroughly).
  11. Sagittarius
    Mean in a debate. Finicky eaters who like wine.
  12. Capricorn
    For such an independent sign, you all have a fear of being alone.