as spoken by Derec, a baseball bro college senior whose awesome butt gets him too much unwanted attention
  1. "All I want is the respect of my peers and the ability to wear normal pants again"
  2. "I'm getting less ass slaps and more ass compliments"
  3. "It's just nice to be able to fit in a pair of board shorts finally."
  4. "Let's turn the page. Let's get drunk on the beach."
  5. "As far as the booty goes, it literally is behind me."