1. Has coconut milk, tahini, and bloody maries on tap
  2. Is covered in tasty wallpaper à la willy wonka
  3. Smells like eucalyptus
  4. Feels like a spa
  5. Has an attached chicken coop with a little door to fetch the eggs that is right next to my stand mixer
  6. Is mostly made up of a very large sun room with a jacuzzi and garden so that even when it's the dead of winter I can have fresh herbs and a place to jump in the water
  7. Obviously has a sauna
  8. Is home to goats and pigs
  9. Is topped off with an attic yoga studio where the in-house hologram yoga teacher lives
  10. Has a little chamber music hall
  11. Has lots of guest rooms that are only semi-attached so that if you want to visit for long periods of time we won't get sick of each other
  12. Has a pizza oven, a red smeg fridge, and enough counter space to fit a football field
  13. Blocks out the rooster's crows
  14. Is home to many many parties! 🎉
  15. Cleans itself