MY AREAS OF EXPERTISE

A few of the things at which I excel.
  1. Making up lyrics to the theme song to "Parks and Rec"
  2. Getting migraines
  3. Ordering and rating tuna melts at every diner in New Jersey
  4. Attracting mosquitos
  5. Remembering the lyrics to every 80s new wave song yet still being unable to calculate a tip
  6. Wearing jaunty scarves
  7. Stealing the affection of your cat
  8. Correcting people's grammar until they hate me