IF I COULD CHOOSE MY CELEBRITY FAMILY

my family is cool & all, but like...
  1. Amy Schumer
    she'd be that like cool mom that gives you condoms and lube, and probably try to sleep with your boyfriend, but also like do standup instead of a speech at your wedding
  2. john mulaney
    my hot dad. I was torn between having him as my husband or my dad, which is probably not a good candidacy for my imaginary dad but like whatever.
  3. aubrey plaza
    my cryptic older sister who is so done with our family, but continues to go to every family event. we could have sleepovers where we hex shitty ex boyfriends and she would make fun of me for beings spooked at scary movies
  4. jenny slate
    my really hip older sister who is very successful and charming but a huge drama queen and is the reason I have the flair for dramatics too. also we always try to one up each other at family events
  5. ideally she would be my cool aunt that would buy you a dope purse, but also wouldn't tell your mom if you called her to bail you out of jail. also she would help u come up with excuses when you don't want to hang out with your friends and just want to watch "say yes to the dress" all day
  6. he would be married to aunt mindy obvi because they're my otp and he would be the cool uncle that talks to me all about the pot he used to smoke in high school even though I know it's a lie and he would love my aunt mindy so much and I would secretly watch them kiss but pretend to be grossed out but really love it
  7. Quentin Tarantino
    he'd be my sorta racist grandpa that has seen some shit, and would always say things at thanksgiving that makes everyone go "what, grandpa?!" but like in the end of the day, could make really cool things out of dead animals
  8. helena bonham carter
    my batshit crazy grandma who like washes the walls to keep the ghosts out of her house and I'm way too scared to sleep at her house but she makes bomb ass food and went to woodstock and probably fucked jimmy hendrix (much to racist grandpa's dismay)