Can't make this stuff up
  1. "You ought to have a boyfriend at your age."
  2. "Whenever you go to jail, I'll get you out because you're the reason I want to be a lawyer. And if I lose, I'll spend all my money to bail you out." "Why would I be in jail?" "Sometimes stuff just happens."
  3. "You look really tired. But not as tired as you did last week. You know that one day when my mom stayed home sick after coming to your house."
  4. "Can I use 'colorful language' in my writing if it's historically accurate?"
    He asks, sliding me a piece of paper with 3 cuss words on it. One was approved. A for effort, kid.
  5. "Apes are just hairy humans with bare butts and it's not right."
  6. "Don't google the Seminoles because they are naked everywhere."
  7. "I'm in charge here."
  8. "That's a nice polka dot shirt. You look like Cruella Deville but you know, without dead puppies."
  9. Do you want me to call your mother and tell her what you've been up to? "Well, to be fair, you are going to rat me out at conferences next week."
  10. "Everybody was saying that you're strict and mean. I told them that yeah you are sometimes, but you're also tall and beautiful.... oh and kind."
  11. "Can I call you Captain?"
    Obviously yes always
  12. "You look like your favorite food is tacos."
  13. "I saw you at an inappropriate place.. The liquor store. But my dad wouldn't let me yell at you out the truck window."