When you work as a server at a resort pool.
  1. "Is water free?"
  2. "Is the tea free?"
    On what planet?
  3. "Are there free refills?"
    Yes, I will bring you infinity refills and you will tip 20% of $2.95.
  4. "Is the ice cream complimentary?"
  5. Not answering a direct question.
    When you ask if they need anything and they completely ignore you.
  6. Letting your kids order their own food.
    They are 3 years old! Don't make me stand here while your kid decides between a grilled cheese and a fucking peanut butter and jelly.
  7. Ordering from the food runners.
    This person dropping off your food has not been taking care of you all day and they don't know how to take orders correctly so if you want to waste your time, by all means, but I will come back to confirm the order before I ring it in.
  8. Trying to order food when the kitchen is closed.
    "Yes, ma'am. I'll have our cook ride his bicycle back to work and get the fryers turned back on so your little shit head can have chicken tenders.
  9. "Do you know where the bathroom is?"
    I've only peed and pooped in that bathroom 10,000 times so yes, it's down the stairs to the left.
  10. "Can you bring us like 10 waters.. We have a bunch of kids with us."
    Spoiler alert, the kids don't drink the water.
  11. Ordering a drink when you don't know what's in it.
    The description of this drink on the menu clearly states it's going to be sickeningly sweet, why are you surprised?
  12. "We still haven't looked at the menu, we're so busy talking!"
    You just lost your ordering privileges.
  13. Sitting down at a dirty table.
    And then rudely saying, "um, can you wipe this off?" And then I have to wait while everyone in the group takes their iPhones of the table so I can wipe away the residue of virgin strawberry daiquiris.
  14. Hovering while I'm taking your order.
    You don't need to see me write down your order. It's chicken scratch and in a code that only I understand so please back away.
  15. Asking for a to go box and then not taking it with you.
    I hope you don't realize you forgot your food because I already threw it away.
  16. Being on the phone when ordering.
  17. Looking through the menu and then asking for something not on it.
    No we don't have calamari, onion rings or sweet potato fries. I love sweet potato fries too, damn it.
  18. Exposed butt crack.
    Can you really not feel the draft?
  19. Ordering a bud light after you make me list all the draft and canned beer we have.
  20. Stealing the pen.
    You know who you are.
  21. "Is there anything you can do about the bugs?"
  22. "Can you make the clouds go away?"
  23. Ordering a soda with no ice.
    The straw will pop out and fall onto my dirty tray and it's not my fault.
  24. Ordering a sweet tea. "Sorry, we only have unsweet." Then ordering a coke. "Sorry, we have Pepsi." Then ordering a water.
  25. Not remembering what you ordered.
    I have evidence! I wrote down what you ordered!
  26. Asking for "a couple" or "a few" of something.
    Does this mean 2, 3, maybe 4. Just tell me how many fucking waters you want.
  27. "This drink doesn't taste like there is any alcohol in it."
    If you want to taste booze, go with a Long Island.
  28. Ordering one thing at a time.
    Everyone in your group needs to be on the same drinking pace.
  29. Stopping a server carrying a full tray of frozen drinks.
    I'd love to chat but these drinks are already almost dead.
  30. "Put it on the Underhill tab."
    This has never been funny, and no I've never seen that movie.
  31. Asking if the frozen drink I just handed your child is nonalcoholic.
  32. Ordering a hamburger with cheese.
    Say cheeseburger, damn it.
  33. Ordering chocolate milk.
    Just don't.
  34. Ordering and disappearing.
    I have your drink and I'm where you were when you ordered it and I don't know what you look like because I'm too busy to pay attention so you forfeit this drink.
  35. Asking for a cup of bar fruit.
    There should be a universal fee for this.
  36. Ordering at the bar and then moving into a new section.
    "We started a tab with the bar." Cool, you can go back to the bar to order or start a new tab with me.
  37. "Can you have the bartenders make it a little stronger this time?"
    Double it is.